


Not All Anniversaries Are Happy.

by GallavichGeek13



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Husbands, Ian misses monica, M/M, Reminiscing, Season 11 au, Talking About the Past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:34:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallavichGeek13/pseuds/GallavichGeek13
Summary: Mickey wakes up with a sense of dread as he realises Ian isn't beside him. When he checks his phone and notices the date, he realises where Ian has gone.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 8
Kudos: 155





	Not All Anniversaries Are Happy.

Mickey woke up and noticed that Ians side of the bed was cold. A sense of dread suddenly hit him. The last week has had Ian on edge and Mickey hasn’t been able to find out why. After everything that happened at the courthouse, they had agreed to always be honest with one another, even if they knew it might upset the other person. So when Mickey asked him what was wrong and Ian would only reply with “Nothin’ I’m fine.” Mickey didn’t push.

He checked Ians medicine bottles and saw that Ian was in fact taking his meds, so he ruled out the possibility of him having an episode. Of course the minute Mickey walked out of the bathroom, he felt guilty for even having to consider checking up on whether he trusted Ian to take his medication or not.

So when Mickey woke up early to the feeling of an empty bed, knowing Ian didn’t have work, he panicked. No matter the reason for Ian needing to leave, he always kissed Mickey goodbye and then let him continue to sleep. Downstairs was quiet so he knew he wasn’t in the kitchen and if it was as simple as Ian not being able to sleep, he always stayed in bed, laying beside Mickey, keeping him warm and safe.

Mickey rushed for his phone to see if maybe Ian went out and sent him a message to let him know where he was incase he slept through the goodbye kiss, but there was nothing. With his eyes adjusting to the brightness of the screen, the date came into focus and that’s when it hit him. Mickey knew what was wrong.

* * *

Ian sat down, the sun just starting to rise behind him and he put his knees up and wrapped his arms around them for support.

“Hey Monica.” Ians voice was barley a whisper.

The notion of it being early morning in a cemetery made him feel as though he had to keep his voice down as to not wake the dead that surrounded him. He looked up at Monicas headstone and was happy to see it fixed. Before Ian got locked up, he used whatever money he had saved to replace the one he and his siblings broke.

Ian found it ironic when he first came back to visit Monica and noticed the broken headstone, it was as though the universe was saying that she would always be known for being broken due to her mental illness, just like Ian felt. He didn’t want that. In death, Monica deserved to at least feel whole again.

“Sorry it’s been awhile. I was locked up for a little over a year and then when I got out, well, things got a little crazy.”

He smirked at his use of the word.

“Well, not the good kind of crazy like you always enjoyed.”

He rocked back and forth a little trying to think of what to say next. He had so much he wanted to tell her and yet sitting in front of her made him feel like it was all insignificant in comparison.

“You know it’s funny, how people used to compare us and at first I couldn’t stand the thought but now, I don’t know. You were right though, I do get wound up, just like you. It got me thrown into prison. Well part of that had to do with me going off my meds but the rest was passion. I guess you could say that once I realised all the hate and homophobic assholes that are out there, I just couldn’t stop fighting for the cause you know. But that’s why I have’t been out to visit, because I couldn’t, not because I didn’t want to.”

He took a moment and released a sigh.

“Thinking back now, what I did, it seems stupid. It was obvious I was going manic but at the time it’s like all the hate I saw Mickey go through came flooding back to me in that moment and I just couldn’t see someone else go through that. Who knows, maybe because I felt so helpless all those years ago when Terry found Mickey and I together, part of me figured this could be my chance to stand up and fight for everyone else that felt just like me, just like Mickey.”

Ian kicks at a couple of pebbles near his shoe and he lets the memories flood his mind for a moment or two.

“Funnily enough, I once again got someone I love in jail.” Ian lets out a little laugh at the irony of the situation. Almost like his whole relationship with Mickey took this full circle before they ended up back in each others lives.

“Remember the kids from the store? Mickey?” A smile appears on his face just from saying his name.

“Well it turns out I found someone who accepts me for who I am. He doesn’t try to fix me, if anything he is the only one that understands me, that helps me and loves me for who I am, with all my issues and shit.” A tear falls down Ians cheek and he wipes it away.

“Fuck I love him. He actually went back to prison, for me.”

Ian shakes his head at the memory of turning around and seeing Mickey standing in the cell with him.

“It still scares me, every day I worry that I’ll do something to make him leave. To make him stop loving me. The Bipolar doesn’t worry him, I don’t think I could hurt him as much as I did back when I had my first episode, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared of it happening again, of me hurting him again.”

Ian looks down and puts his head between his knees.

“I don’t want us to be like you and Frank. Doesn’t matter how many times you two hurt each other you still came back to one another. But Mickey has been hurt enough. By his father, this world, by me. I don’t ever want him to hurt again.”

He looks up but keeps his head on his knees, just looking directly at Monicas head stone.

“I married him.” Ian laughs.

“I wish you could have been there.”

He lets out a sigh and just breaths for a moment, letting his emotions simmer down. He begins to play with his wedding rings, spinning them around on his finger. It's a habit he has picked up that helps calm him when he feels anxious.

“I wish you could have met him. You would have loved him mum, just as much as I do.”

It was still silent around him, the sun fully risen now marking the start of a new day, but Ian knew, he could feel it throughout his whole body, in his bones, his body could always sense him because he was a part of him.

“How did you find me?” He spoke to Mickey without turning around.

“I saw the date on my phone, I knew straight away where you would be. Today is hard on both of us, it was the day we both lost someone we loved.”

Mickey takes a seat beside Ian but he still doesn’t look at Mickey.

“It’s a shitty anniversary to have but it was the day I crossed the boarder. I was free, in theory, but part of me was still trapped.”

Ian turned to look at Mickey.

“I didn’t have you by my side Firecrotch. I may have been out of prison but my heart was still with you.”

Mickey turns away and looks down at his own feet, now being the one that feels vulnerable.

“That first year in Mexico, when I woke up and realised it had been exactly a year since you stayed and I left, I didn’t think I had it in me anymore to stay away. I started packing, ready to come back, face the fact that I’d probably get locked up again but I don’t know. Part of me thought maybe this time you’d visit, this time you’d wait and it would all be worth it.”

“But then I got scared, that maybe you wouldn’t visit and I’d be locked up for more than 15 years this time and so I went out and got shit faced and that’s how I bumped into some cartel guys, drowning my sorrows for a lost love.”

Mickey looked at Ians hands and saw how he was spinning his rings on his fingers. So he continued, knowing Ian wasn’t ready to speak yet.

“Because of that, us, I could never forget what today was, what it meant to our relationship. And then when we were in prison and you told me your mum passed away, well I knew what today meant for you too.”

Ian put his hand on Mickeys knee.

“How much did you hear?”

“Enough.”

Mickey put his hand on top of Ians and entwined their fingers.

“I’m not going anywhere Ian. Surely you know that by now right. I’ll always come back for you. Nothing you say or do will ever push me away-”

“It’s not that Mick." Ian cut Mickey off.

"It’s me fucking up so bad that you have no choice _but_ to leave. I never want to do that to you again and every time I say that, I end up doing it anyway. Cheating, the boarder, the courthouse.”

“Hey, we’ve talked about this, you know what happened when you were manic was out of your control.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember. I remember the look on your face when I told you about the porno. I remember seeing you when you got me from jail, when I told you you couldn’t fix me. I never wanted to hurt you but I remember the pain on your face, in your eyes.”

“Ian I hurt you too, C’mon, this isn’t a competition of who did what.”

Mickey took his hand from Ians and wrapped it around Ians shoulder. He kissed Ians temple and then looked towards Monicas headstone. He waited before he spoke again.

“It’s nice to meet you Monica, I’m Mickey, Ians husband. I want you to know that I'm taking real good care of him, that I love him, more than anything in this world and that he misses you, every day.”

Silent tears run down Ians face as Mickey just sits there with him. At that moment the love Ian had for his husband grew even more. None of his siblings ever understood why Ian felt connected to Monica, besides the illness they shared, she still hurt him, abandoned him and messed him up just as much as the rest of them. But she was his mother and Mickey understood that. He understood the compelling motion of needing to make a parent proud, to feel loved by them.”

“Do you miss your mum?” Ian asks Mickey, leaning into his side for the comfort and safety.

“Yeah, especially when I have something special in my life that I would have loved to have shared with her.”

Ian and Mickey look at one another, Ian places his hand on Mickeys cheek and rubs softly against the side of his face with his thumb. Mickey pulls Ian in from the nape of his neck and gently kisses his chapped lips. As they pull apart, foreheads touching, Ian sniffles back his tears.

“She would have loved you. She would have seen how happy you make me and that’s all she would have cared about.” Mickey looks into Ians eyes but doesn’t let go.

“She always told me it doesn’t matter who you love, as long as they brighten up your day and bring joy into your life. I think she knew I was gay before I did.”

They both let out a little chuckle.

“Funny you say that because I said the same thing, Monica would have loved you. She knew how much you meant to me after you went to juvie when Frank caught us. She knew back then that I already loved you and felt responsible for what happened.”

The groundsman was now walking towards them, surprised to see someone at the cemetery before open and probably making sure they weren’t vandalising the area.

“C’mon, lets get some breakfast and head home. We can even drop off some flowers on the way back if you want.”

“Yeah, yeah that would be nice Mick.”

They stand up, Mickey about to leave when he notices that Ian wasn’t following. He looks back at Ian and waits.

“See mum, I told you he gets me.” Ian touches the head stone and then turns back to Mickey and takes his hand as they walk off together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> If you are interested you can follow my instagram Gallavich account @gallavich.geek


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